Gillian & Jon's Wedding

Your name, please.

First Name

Last Name

It's 4am in Silver Beach and you're lying in your cozy bunk. All is still, save for the swaying of the marsh grass in the bay breeze. Suddenly, you hear the crunch of twigs and furtive whispers outside your fortress. The enemy. What do you do?

Select what best applies.

This calls for diplomacy. You send a representative to negotiate a truce and join forces with the marauders, stronger and more competitive in today's Silver Beach marketplace.

Sacrifice your weakest link, which will probably be guest Nikhar Gaikwad. While he distracts the enemy, the rest of you sneak out the back window, circle around the front, and catch the barbarians unawares. Next stop Wedgie Town.

Charge! You and your team burst out through the front door in a hail of flying fists and spittle. Some will fall, but they'll fall with glory.

Let them come. You've planned this all along. Once they're snared in your trap, you'll reduce their minds to tapioca and initiate them into your army of drones.

You and your brethren have just triumphed over a powerful foe. After sacking and burning their villages, how do you celebrate?

Honor the heroes, mourn the fallen, and watch some Gilmore Girls.

The mother of all victory laps: naked zip line.

Thunderdome, Brah!

Football spike guest Mark Smelzer's Warby Parker glasses. They're his only pair.

Knee deep in swamp muck, you spot a tribesman/tribeswoman striking a provocative posture. This can only mean one thing. How do you indicate your desire to mate?

Smear your body in the swamp muck. Let's get weird.

Present your basket of clams. When he/she approaches to accept it, offer your genitals instead.

Talk about your favorite bands you don’t really listen to. Mention how busy you are.

Challenge all other suitors to a battle to the death. Don’t die.

What’s the best way to prepare squirrel meat?

Don’t. You’ll only catch them if you use the element of surprise.

With Benihana-style theatrics.

Brine; sear; bake; scald; glaze; carve; garnish; seethe inwardly until praised.

Give it to guest Mark "Sleeveless" Pekinas and tell him it's chicken nuggets.

Let’s talk fashion. Tonight’s the Village Sacking After Party and the dress code is “Fabulous.” WHAT are you going to WEAR?!?!

Doesn’t really matter since you’ll mostly be remembered as “that sweaty guy.”

Something short, tight, low, and wildly flammable.

Grace Kelly-meets-Henry Kissinger-meets-Emma Thompson-meets-Michelle Obama-meets-Barack Obama-meets-Marie Antoinette-meets-Anderson Cooper-meets-Beyonce

Ugh, I don't know. Probably just, like, that thing you wore to Ainsley's birthday party. It's pretty cute, you guess. You need to go shopping.

Complete this sentence: Though Silver Beach is a beauty to behold -- white sand, lush forests, bountiful waters, beautiful natives - beware the _______.

Weird-tasting stuffed mushrooms

Half man-half centaur

Pollen count

Nagging feeling you left the door to the house unlocked